I began this blog at the beginning of 2010 as a kind of thinkdump for the process of being an artist and how it differs radically from my intentions, how domestic reality constantly interferes with the creative. In writing this blog I am trying to embrace these interstitial episodes as being the creative.

the links below are anxillary to this theme

http://wintodaylosetomorrow.blogspot.com/

http://ididntgetaroundtoit.blogspot.com/

Endgame (1957)

Nell: Nothing is funnier than unhappiness.
Nagg: Oh?
Nell: Yes, yes, it's the most comical thing in the world. And we laugh, we laugh, with a will, in the beginning. But it's always the same thing. Yes, it's like the funny story we have heard too often, we still find it funny, but we don't laugh any more.

Friday 18 June 2010

prosthesis

In London yesterday at the Welcome Collection, looking at the collection of prosthetic limbs, I was put in mind of my godfather (he of the white glove).  He died in 1976, leaving me £100, quite a large sum at the time, and a fortune saved from his meagre income.  I was not able to enjoy this small windfall; my parents decided it would substitute their parental contribution to my maintenance at university that year; I had just started at Leeds. 
But I am ashamed that he even remembered me: I would not visit because I was appalled by the prosthetic leg he left propped against the furniture in his tiny room in a house in Cromwell Street.  The house was filled with displaced Central Eastern European aristocracy, countesses and dukes of imaginary kingdoms.  My godfather, Lajos Kultsar, and his wife, Olga, were born under Hapsburg rule into refined homes and hoped to enjoy a life of privelege; they came to England as displaced persons and put their knowledge of etiquette and cooking to use as hotel staff. 
This picture is taken in Spring 1944 around the time the Nazis moved into Hungarian territory and engaged the Royal Hungarian Gendarmerie to carry out their plans, which they apparently did with gusto.  Why? In the belief that a German victory would restore the lost territory of 1921.  It's easy to look on this as misguided from the perspective of 2010 but yet it is still an ulcerating wound in the Hungarian psyche.  
My godfather  was long-time chair of the Mindszenty centre in London when that still existed.  He didn't lose his leg fighting; he got a bloodclot in the late 60's, and amputation was the simplest cure for difficult conditions for poor people.  In other photos I have of him, he bears a striking resemblance to Max Beckmann, especially with the cigarette in hand, carrying off the urbane elegance that characterised the early C20th.
My godparents were the nearest thing to extended family that I experienced.  Olga, my godmother, was my mother's last really close female friend, a mother figure she needed.  After Olga died of cervical cancer aged 46 my mother's last pretence at domestic nomality failed.

delighted to be acknowledged

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